Jak2 Bloopers and Secrets
by lisa1124
Summary: Some bloopers of Jak2 that I made up! (Not to mention a hidden Camera) At least I thought it was a little funny. Please r&r! Chapter 4 up!
1. JakAshelin scene

Dark Me: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! BEHOLD THE INSANITY!!  
  
Me: I'm surprised no one has thought of this yet  
  
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Bloopers  
  
::::::: Jak/Ashelin scene 9 take 4 :::::::  
  
Ashelin drops down behind Jak and puts him in a headlock. Jak looks startled and raises his hands in defeat. His eyes start to roll back in his head and his hands drop. A choked noise is coming from his throat. Jak falls to the floor face first and doesn't get up. The Jak2 crew just stands there staring at him until Ashelin speaks:  
  
"That's coming out of my paycheck."  
  
"Smooth move Ash." Said one of the pyrotechnicians.  
  
Ashelin immediately shoots him still looking at Jak.  
  
::::::: Take 8 :::::::  
  
Ashelin has Jak in a headlock.  
  
Ashelin: Who the hell are you?  
  
Jak: OW! Hey! Ash! Watch the hair please!  
  
Ashelin: What hair?! That thing on your head is obviously a heavily rubber- cemented shiatsu!  
  
Jak: Well at least I don't spray paint my hair!  
  
Ashelin: At least I don't polish my fingernails!  
  
Jak: I DO NOT POLISH MY FINGER NAILS! WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SAYING THAT?! WELL YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY HAD MORE FACELIFTS THAN MICHEAL JACKSON COULD EVER DREAM OF!!  
  
Ashelin: (to camera) HE HAS A NON-FAT FRENCH VANILLA LATTE EVERY MORNING!  
  
Jak: (also to camera) I DO NOT! WELL SHE'S-SHE'S-SHE'S FORTY-TWO YEARS OLD! LOOK HERE'S HER BIRTH CERTIFICATE!  
  
Ashelin: (tackles Jak) YOU GONNA BE EATIN YO GRAPE NUTS THROUGH A STRAW WHEN I'M DONE WIT YOU BOY!  
  
Daxter: Ummm. . .Line?  
  
Director: Cut! CUT! We are never gonna get past this scene.  
  
Camera: (goes fuzzy after Jak's head hits it.)  
  
::::::: take 14 :::::::  
  
Ashelin has Jak in a headlock.  
  
Jak: Let go of me you psycho-bitch!  
  
Daxter: Jak! Stick to the script! We ain't getting paid ten mil to mess up!  
  
Jak: Oh yeah Daxter, I forgot to tell you. Your pay's been docked 10 percent.  
  
Daxter: WHAT?! THEY CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I HAVE MY RIGHTS! I HAVE A CONTRACT! I HAVE A VERY WELL-PAID AGENT! I HA- (is trampled by two high heels belonging to a screaming rabid fangirl)  
  
Director: SECURITY!  
  
Jak: (is being glomped and hugged by fangirl) aw come on Steve, just two more minutes.  
  
Fan Girl: (is immediately pulled and carried off stage by a steroid-pumped security guard.) JAK! I LOVE YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!!!  
  
Jak: (is smirking triumphantly at Daxter) Well Dax, that's fifteen for me, two for you.  
  
Daxter: Shut up and read your lines.  
  
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Me: So? Like it? Not like it? Think I should continue? Please r&r even if you hated it! I do accept anonymous reviews! 


	2. Chapter 2

Dark me: Fear the randomness of Chapter 2!  
  
Me: dun dun dun duuuuuuun  
  
Sugar Crashed Me (formerly Hyper me): (snore)  
  
Logical me: This chapter will be a little different. Somebody gave that little kid in the game a video camera and now he's going around spying on people.  
  
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Jak, so you don't sue.  
  
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Jak's trailer (Fangirls: EEEEEE!!!)  
  
The kid is hiding under a futon in Jak's trailer. Jak walks in.  
  
Jak: I so do not polish my fingernails!  
  
Daxter: Amen to dat buddy.  
  
Jak: (annoyed) Dax, why don't you go talk to the lighting girls or something.  
  
Daxter: (melodramatically) Fine! I know when I'm not wanted! Good day to you sir! (inaudibly) At least Tess scratches me behind my ears . . .  
  
Daxter slams the door and Jak looks around nervously. He tiptoes over to a small box in the corner and takes something out. You can't see what's in the box, but Jak creeps over to the TV. Apparently it's a video. He slides it into the VCR, and gold writing appears on the screen:  
  
The Divine Secrets Of The YaYa Sisterhood  
  
You see the camera run out of the room followed by the voice of Jak: YO! GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE FAG!  
  
Kid: (insane cackle) Kiera! KIERA!  
  
Camera: (goes fuzzy after a quick close-up of the pavement)  
  
::::::: Sig's trailer :::::::  
  
The kid is hiding behind the TV in Sig's trailer.  
  
Sig: Poopsie bear?! I'M HOME!! Poopsie? POOPSIE?! (Looks at floor. There is a very dirty teddy bear face first.) POOPSIE!! ^__^ There you are! I thought you left me!  
  
Kid: O__O (giggles)  
  
Sig: Did you hear that poopsie? (Whispers) I think we're being watched. (Pulls out peacemaker)  
  
Kid: AAAAAAAAHH!! (Runs under Sig's legs and out the door)  
  
Sig (to me): How could you degrade me like this?!  
  
Me: Shut up. Your scene's over.  
  
:::::::Torn's Trailer::::::: Since when does Torn have a trailer?  
  
Kid is peering through the window. Torn is already in there.  
  
Torn is rocking back and forth in the fetal position on the floor holding a yugi plushie.  
  
Torn: My preciousssss. We likesessss the WB don't wessss? Yesssss. We doessss. They triessss to steal yugisss form ussss.  
  
Torn looks out the window and sees the camera.  
  
Torn: (Long animal noise kind of like CCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEYYYYYAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH)  
  
Kid: (Running as fast as a six-year-old could possibly run) Shit you'd think after all this I'd be scarred for life.  
  
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Back to the bloopers!  
  
:::::::Jak/Daxter/Torn dead town scene 5 take 1:::::::  
  
Jak gets to the top of the tower and grabs the flag. The cardboard platform starts to crumble and he looks down nervously. He jumps up and dives down. There's a quick shot of his face and he's rapidly descending with the flag in his hand. He hits the cable and  
  
SPROING!!  
  
Daxter: (cringing) oooooooooo . . .  
  
Ashelin off stage: ouch  
  
Torn: (can't say anything because he's laughing so hard)  
  
Me: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! RIGHT IN THE BALLS!!! LOL!!!  
  
Director: How'd she get in here? SECURITY!!  
  
Me: (laughing) WAIT! I NEED AN AUTOGRAPH!! (still laughing) NOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Rabid fangirl from last chapter: JAK! NO! KIERA DOESN'T APPRECIATE YOU! I LOOOOOOVE YOOOOOOUUUUUU!!! (is dragged off by other security guard)  
  
:::::::take 13::::::: (after Jak's little (snigger) incident)  
  
Jak at tower blahblahblah cable blah. Jak jumps again and he's halfway in the air to Torn when there is a very distinct snapping/coiling noise. Jak looks horrifiedly to his left. Guess what. The harness is snapped ten feet from him.  
  
Jak: (falling) I'LL SEE YOU IN COUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRT!!!  
  
Torn: YES! Now I'm the star of the game! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
MJ walks in. dun dun duuuuuuuun.  
  
Michael: (whining) The big-eared guy said my name! My name is copyrighted! That means no one can say it! EVER! Except Peter Pan of course. (to camera) I swear I've only had two facelifts! I'LL BET MY ENTIRE ESTATE ON IT!  
  
Michael's Estate: (is blown up, the rubble is burned, and the ashes flushed down the toilet)  
  
MJ: (BLEEP)!!! Oh well, I guess I'm off to Neverland! (jumps out a window) WEEEEEEEEE!!! (SPLAT)  
  
(now if only I could get rid of Richard Simmons. . .)  
  
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Me: If this chapter isn't as funny as the last one, I HAVE AN EXCUSE!!! I just watched 28 days later last night, (good movie!) but it's so damn depressing! If I wanted to be that sad, I'd watch underfed lions in some 2- bit circus. But there's some comic relief here and there. Reviewer's responses next chapter! I swear! Byesies!  
  
Crazed Eminem Fan Me: (singing) and then Doctor Dre said. Nothin you idiots Dr. Dre's dead! He's locked in my basement! HAHA!  
  
Logical me: Will you stop listening to that crap?! O Here. (quickly switches The Eminem Show with 'Beethoven's Classics')  
  
CEFM: O__O NOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Me: R&R please! 


	3. I HATE STAR WARS!

Me: V. V. V. sorry it took me so long to update. Got in BIIIIIG trouble at school . . . NEO LIVES!  
  
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::::::: Ending :::::::  
  
The giant metal head explodes as it's about to crawl into the time rift. The head goes up, up, up . . . and down . . . landing right on little Jak.  
  
Little Jak: (I highly doubt he's capable of saying anything)  
  
Jak: O__O  
  
Props dude: . . . oops  
  
::::::: Ending ::::::  
  
Jak and the gang are at Daxter's Bar, The Naughty Ottsel.  
  
Daxter (to Onin): Hey! That's enough for you lady! I'm cuttin' you off!  
  
Onin: (rips off mask. It's . . . YODA?! HEY! I didn't write this! DOMINIQUE!)  
  
Director: CUT!  
  
Sam the camera dude: No way! This'll be great for the DVD.  
  
Yoda: Wanted to come to the party I did.  
  
Daxter: AAAAAAAHHH!!! A HOBBIT!  
  
Yoda: Knew my father I never did. All eleven of us in a two-room apartment we were. Write a book I should. MY SHELTERED CHILDHOOD it shall be known as.  
  
Obi wan (OBI WAN?!): THERE you are! It's been absolute chaos at the Jedi academy without you! SOMEBODY rented children of the corn and it gave them . . . ideas.  
  
Anaken walks in.  
  
Anaken: HEEEEEEEELLLLP!!!! (has little symbols and a Pentagram drawn all over his chest.)  
  
Freaky little Jedi kid #4: (pointing to Jak) Look. It's he who walks behind the rows.  
  
Freaky little Jedi kid #9: Let's steal his clothes and auction them on the internet.  
  
Jak: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SAM! CUT!  
  
Camera: (goes fuzzy after Freaky little Jedi kid #13 punches it.)  
  
That has got to be the most random thing I have ever written.  
  
::::::: Jak/Vin :::::::  
  
Jak is in Vin's lab with Kor and little Jak. Jak is petting the crocadog on its head.  
  
Kor: Amazing. That mongrel has never accepted anyone but the boy before.  
  
Jak: I guess I just- SON OF A BITCH!! (South Park-like)  
  
The crocadog has its jaws clamped around Jak's left hand.  
  
Daxter: eeeeeewww . . . You'd better get that looked at Jak.  
  
Vin: AAH! BLOOD! (faints)  
  
Daxter: uhh . . . Jak?  
  
Jak: I'm fine Dax. (hand is starting to turn many shades of yellow and green) on second thought . . .  
  
Director: CUT! MAKEUP!  
  
Jak: You FILMED that?! AND THE LITTLE YODA INCIDENT?!  
  
Director: Well it's not like anyone's gonna see it. And who doesn't love Yoda?  
  
Jak: I bet you INVITED MJ over here! DIDN'T YOU?! WHO'S NEXT?! ARNOLD SHWARZENEGGAR?!  
  
Arnold: Vote for me! Or you shall be terminated. Asta La Vista baby.  
  
Jak: That's it! I quit! Freaks will not upstage me!  
  
Director: Fine. Get Brad Pitt over here.  
  
Brad Pitt: Howdy!  
  
Jak: (shoots Brad Pitt)  
  
Brad: (dieing) Forgive . . . me . . . Leo . . . (dies)  
  
Ashelin: O__O I'm uh . . . gonna go over there now.  
  
Director: (to Sam): did we get that?  
  
Sam: (nods)  
  
Director: Documentary here we come.  
  
::::::: Baron Praxis/Jak/Erol :::::::  
  
Jak is strapped to a chair with a big machine-thingy descending down. Jak struggles.  
  
Jak: (is biting his lower lip trying to hide a smile and failing miserably) AHAHAHAHAHA!!! CAN'T BREATH!! HAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
Praxis: STOP LAUGHING!  
  
Jak: I CAN'T! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! IT T-TICKLES! HAHAHAHA! Cut! CUT!  
  
Erol: (rolls his eyes) If you guys have nothing better to do, I'm gonna go like get a manicure. Patrice! PATRICE!  
  
Yes. Erol is gay.  
  
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Me: EEK! Short chappie! Please don't flame. Funny? Not Funny? Hopelessly random? I accept anonymous reviews!  
  
Dark me: umm . . . mwa ha . . . ha 


	4. RANDOM!

Me: Happy birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me!  
  
Hyper me: You look like a monkey and you smell like one too!  
  
Me: YOU'RE SO HURTFULL!  
  
Anyway, this chapter is dun dun dun dun deleted scenes! Wow. This really is turning out like a DVD. I promise they'll be funny!  
  
Huckleberry Hound: I was so gay. But I couldn't tell anyone.  
  
A/N: I AM REALLY SORRY IF I BASHED ANYONE IN HERE! Actually, I think I bashed everyone.  
  
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Erol is the city standing ten feet away from Jak.  
  
Erol: I challenge you to a race Eco-freak!  
  
Jak: (is staring) Sorry but did you notice that you're wearing a dress?  
  
Erol: (is wearing a dress) Don't back sass me mister! IN THE NAME OF THE MOON I WILL PUNISH YOU! (takes out a paper towel tube)  
  
Jak: What's that?  
  
Erol: TASTE MY BLADE SPAWN OF EVIL! (hits Jak in the head with tube)  
  
Jak: AAAAAAAHH!!! HEAD WOUND! THE GERMS ARE RUSHING TO MY HEAD!! HELP!!!  
  
Erol: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (jumps on a pink zoomer with a rainbow bumper sticker that reads 'I respect diversity')  
  
Daxter: . . . Did I miss something?  
  
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Jak and Ashelin are in the palace.  
  
Jak: Why didn't you tell us you're the Baron's daughter?  
  
Daxter: Ironic isn't it?  
  
Ashelin: Ironic?! IRONIC?!?! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S IRONIC! IRONIC IS WHEN YOU SPEND 17 HOURS ON A SOUFLLE ONLY TO TAKE IT OUT OF THE OVEN WHEN A CERTAIN IDIOT (glares at Torn)  
  
Torn: (looks like a hurt puppy)  
  
Ashelin: BURSTS IN, SLAMS THE DOOR, AND WA LA! YOU'VE GOT A FLAT PASTRY! SEE YOU IN HADES F***ER! (jumps out a window)  
  
Jak: . . . Was that in the script?  
  
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Jak: That's why they call me Slim Shady. I'm back. I'm back.  
  
Torn: Every seed turns into a flower, every minute turns to an hour! Never give up on hope! It's a life-saving rope!  
  
Kor: Where da hood where da hood where da hood at.  
  
Samos: I can see clearly now, the rain is gone!  
  
Daxter: WTF?!  
  
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Morpheus: You've been living in a dream world, Neo.  
  
Jak: Morpheus, you're in the wrong game again.  
  
Morpheus: You are mistaken Jak. For it is you who is in the wrong game.  
  
Jak: Why am I in a dress?  
  
Daxter: HA-HA!! (looks down.) (is in latex) AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!  
  
Morpheus: That is not a dress. It is more of a symbol of the one's power for it was made to look like a catholic priest's uniform. And the word Zion is in the bible four times. And Nebadcudnezzer was a king of Israel.  
  
Jak: Suuuuuuure. And Arnold Shwarzunagger is the governor of California.  
  
Entire Jak2 cast: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
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The kid is sitting in a hospital room on the bed with Kor standing there. Let's call him Jimmy from now on.  
  
Jimmy: The truth is . . . I, I see dead people.  
  
Kor: Well, that nails it. Congratulations Jimmy, you are now legally insane!  
  
Jimmy: Do I get off from school?  
  
Kor: Absolutely!  
  
Jimmy: YAY!  
  
Jak blows the door off its hinges with his peacemaker.  
  
Jak: Hey guys! What'd I miss?  
  
Kor: Jimmy is now legally insane!  
  
Jak: All right! I wish I was insane!  
  
Erol blows a hole in the wall.  
  
Erol: I'm already insane! SO HA!  
  
Jak: You're mean!  
  
Erol keeps taunting Jak and bragging about how he's already insane and he didn't need any lab tests or anything. They just knew he was insane right on the spot until Jak slices him into six pieces with his uber-cool dark Jak claws.  
  
Kor: Lunch! (starts eating Erol sushi)  
  
Erol: Ow! My liver! Oh well, it's not like I need it anymore seeing as how I'm dead.  
  
Jak: That's right! SO SHUT IT!  
  
Krew walks through the hole that Jak made. He is now about the size of a short, geeky, kid named Joseph. Or Stephen. Or Jacob. Or Ellis. Or Nick.  
  
Jak: (swallows bite of Erol meat) Whoa! Krew! What happened to you? Hey! That rhymed!  
  
Krew: When that tower exploded with me on it after you beat me like an egg, it made me realize something. HOLY S*** I'M FAT! So I went to the LA weight loss center but that didn't do crap so I had Lypo Suction! I nearly died, but who cares! OOOOOOO!! Wacha eatin?  
  
Jak: Erol.  
  
Krew: Yum! Can I have some?  
  
Jak: Sure!  
  
They all begin to gorge on Erol until Kor starts coughing.  
  
Kor: ACK! COUGH! COUGH!  
  
Jak: (mouth is full) hmp hmp hokie?  
  
Kor coughs up a very plasticy-looking heart shaped blue stone.  
  
Jak: So THAT'S what happened to it at the end of the movie!  
  
Krew: MINE!! (grabs it) hehehehehahahahahahaHAHAHAHAMWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (eats it)  
  
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Me: R&R please! 


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